Action Jackson

“What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?”A question that comes up, or rather, it doesn’t, but bear with me while I fantasise about having any sort of conversation with anyone at all about anything but the football.We have all seen many bad films and it’s a hard question for me to answer, assuming that I’m ever asked it, which I’m not.
I think the worst films are not those that are objectively bad but those that are cynical cash-ins. Star Wars Episode 1 by these lights is a much worse film than say  “Plan 9 from Outer Space” which routinely and dully gets that plaudit. Plan 9 is a dreadful film but it was honestly made.

Contrariwise, the category “The worst film ever recommended to me” has an easy winner: Action Jackson.

The man who recommended it to us is still a) alive and b) a friend on Facebook, so let me tread lightly here. “If you’re looking for a good film” he told Wife A, “try Action Jackson. It’s got Carl Weathers out of Rocky in it”. Insufficient as this recommendation seemed, off we went to the video shop (younger readers should open a new tab here and get Wikipedia up), provided 2 forms of ID, a credit card and a recent utility bill,  and took the item home, as well as the obligatory pizza.

A greater recommendation should have been the presence of That Sharon Stone, but she was no help, being unable to rescue this poorly-made recycled turd of turd material. She was nearly 30 and old enough to know better than to waste our evening.

What did this say about the friend who recommended it? Wife A was prepared to write it off as a momentary aberration but I was more inclined to the “HE’S YOUR FRIEND ANYWAY NOT MINE” school of unforgiving.

Many years have passed. The Movie Recommender is still recommending & reviewing films on Facebook. I’m sure he usually has good taste in films, though it is true he has no taste in music or football teams. Once in a while he says film X is great and that we should all go and see it. Just as I’m thinking of impulsively grabbing my coat, and saying, “come, New Wife, the movies guru has spoken unto me”, I think back to Action Jackson, and pause.
Carl Weathers, yesterday. Thanks to who had no choice.

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