“Nevertheless, my life is over”.
The best bit about quiz night was choosing the team name. “The AS Byatt Rocketry Club For Men” had been deemed de trop: worryingly for the team’s prospects it had been demanded of him “who was this Byatt anyhow when he was at home?”. So it actually turned out that thinking of a good team name before you got to the pub was the good bit, the golden pie-crust, but that the reality more resembled the gristled disaster within.
He therefore felt difficulty heart-and-souling it as a representative of “Barbara’s Big Beauties”, – inevitably spelt “beauty’s” – , and strove vainly against such areas of vital human endeavour as TV personalities’ activities in a jungle scenario, the novels of Dan Brown, when Crystal Palace had last won the FA Cup*, or France’s record in the Triple Crown**.
They came third, which they agreed Wasn’t Too Bad, Considering. He had got the one about interest rates, insisting on his correctness in the face of dubiety, and was thus more pleased than otherwise, and walked the wet fag-butted street home with, not a song, a hum in his heart.
The wineglass on its side, his wife gone gone gone from life, her book fallen face down with the pages curled and squashed underneath, his life face-downwards his future curled and curdled and squashed too, no more reading no more life.
“I am tempted to laugh; I hold myself within the limit of a smile”.
** v. funny, this.
(Quotes at top and tail from George Gissing’s “The Private Papers Of Henry Ryecroft”)
“What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?”A question that comes up, or rather, it doesn’t, but bear with me while I fantasise about having any sort of conversation with anyone at all about anything but the football.We have all seen many bad films and it’s a hard question for me to answer, assuming that I’m ever asked it, which I’m not.
I think the worst films are not those that are objectively bad but those that are cynical cash-ins. Star Wars Episode 1 by these lights is a much worse film than say “Plan 9 from Outer Space” which routinely and dully gets that plaudit. Plan 9 is a dreadful film but it was honestly made.
Contrariwise, the category “The worst film ever recommended to me” has an easy winner: Action Jackson.
The man who recommended it to us is still a) alive and b) a friend on Facebook, so let me tread lightly here. “If you’re looking for a good film” he told Wife A, “try Action Jackson. It’s got Carl Weathers out of Rocky in it”. Insufficient as this recommendation seemed, off we went to the video shop (younger readers should open a new tab here and get Wikipedia up), provided 2 forms of ID, a credit card and a recent utility bill, and took the item home, as well as the obligatory pizza.
A greater recommendation should have been the presence of That Sharon Stone, but she was no help, being unable to rescue this poorly-made recycled turd of turd material. She was nearly 30 and old enough to know better than to waste our evening.
What did this say about the friend who recommended it? Wife A was prepared to write it off as a momentary aberration but I was more inclined to the “HE’S YOUR FRIEND ANYWAY NOT MINE” school of unforgiving.
Many years have passed. The Movie Recommender is still recommending & reviewing films on Facebook. I’m sure he usually has good taste in films, though it is true he has no taste in music or football teams. Once in a while he says film X is great and that we should all go and see it. Just as I’m thinking of impulsively grabbing my coat, and saying, “come, New Wife, the movies guru has spoken unto me”, I think back to Action Jackson, and pause.
Carl Weathers, yesterday. Thanks to dwaynetherockjohnsonhairstyle.blogspot.com who had no choice.
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The Earth, and everything in it, were created 10 minutes ago by this bloke called Keith. Your memories and experiences were created by him, which accounts for your vague feeling of dispiritedness (admit it). All this rubbish about who did what to whom 10000, 6000 or 200,000,000 years ago just makes Keith LAUGH.Two minutes ago Keith invented “The Pommeller’s Rest”, a pub near Tower Bridge, London, where he will be giving an illustrated talk on the subject at about 2:30 pm today. Keith will be destroying all matter on Monday night after the playoffs. After that, who knows? All times GMT.
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I know people who have supported the same team all their lives. They move house, their lives change for the better or worse but there is one constant: their team. It turns out I haven't been like that. I'm not proud of that except insofar as I've never changed my allegiance to chase success – in many ways quite the opposite.
Let me take you back to the sixties.
Dad took me to see the local team, Bedford Town FC. They were playing Romford at home, The Eyrie, in the Southern League. This was, it turns out, quite the collector's piece, as in a few years neither club existed and The Eyrie (so-called because Bedford Town were The Eagles – or was it the other way round?) was rubble and history. *
We moved away and I spent some formative years following Luton Town during which I saw them play in all four divisions of The Football League. Triumph and Disaster, but mostly mooching about in Division 2. I missed their most successful years in the 80s though, because I'd become fed-up with football in general, I didn't live there any more and then there were restrictive membership schemes and a plastic pitch…
… so I started , on the recommendation of a friend who I think is no longer with us 😦 travelling to see Barnet FC at Underhill. This looked like a bad move as the club were struggling in the newly-inventedAlliance Premier Football League, since known as the Conference, but good years followed as the club strove for and eventually achieved promotion to the league. At the time I started going there were 4 divisions between my lost love and my new, which was semi-professional. How was I supposed to know that in the 2000s they'd be playing each other as equals, and in fact there would be a couple of seasons during which Barnet would occupy a higher division? I'd have laughed at you.
When Barnet were playing too far away I'd go & see other local clubs such as Wealdstone F.C. ** (who had a sad tale to tell which confirmed my loathing for Watford FC), Edgware Town **, Northwood Town ** … I knew my way around non-league in NW London!
Come 2000 though I was living miles away with a new partner and I stopped going to any football. From a distance, I saw Barnet drop back out of the League, rise back up and back out again. I "followed their results". I still do. I saw Luton run into the ground by incompetents and crooks, and then rise again.I "followed their results". I still do.
We moved to the South coast last year and I started watching the lovely Hastings United **(@hastingsufc).Despite results not going to plan I'm enjoying it. And there's no overlap: we're 4 & 3 divisions below those other 2 and they'll never meet.
Surely they won't?
* of course both clubs have since re-formed, and Bedford's current ground is "The New Eyrie" or nowadays just "The Eyrie". They're both in Wikipedia.
** I'm not providing links to all these clubs: they're all eminently searchable and all in Wikipedia. ***
*** I do not work for Wikipedia.
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<— classic rope-a-dope Victorian mythical bimbo to drag in the punters. (Herbert Draper did it)
I used to blog at bogginses.blogspot.com, but that was a long time ago & now I’m here.
I started using postach.io but then they wanted money. I’ll see if I can nab some of my posts off there to put in here.
I live by the sea in East Sussex, so lots of pictures of the sea coming up. YKYLI.
Twitter: @colin_davey for your next #ff. I’ll put that in a sidebar – when I know how.
If past experience is anything to go by, I’ll spend more time on the theme and layout than on content.